All The Single Ladies (All The Single Ladies)... And Men

Day 24:  Genesis, Psalm and Joshua chapter 24

In this chapter Abraham sends his servant to his hometown to find a wife for Isaac and you see some interesting character traits and faith moments develop.

First there is the wise servant of Abraham who is faithfully discharging his duty to find a wife for Isaac.  That's a big job!  So before the interview process begins he prays to God.  He asks for success and presents a test so he will know the woman God has chosen for Isaac.  The woman who gives me a drink and volunteers to water the camels will pass the first test.  The second test is all about her family line - if she passes the first test AND is from the line of Abraham's family then the servant will know that this is God's chosen wife for Isaac.

Next we meet Rebekah.  She comes out in the evening to get water for her family and Abraham's servant asks her for a drink.  This was a society that was kind and hospitable but there is a big difference between giving a person a drink and watering all their animals!  The servant asks for a drink from her jug which she gives him and then, without being asks she volunteers to water the camels, until they have all had their fill.  Consider this, it's the evening.  There are still chores that need to be done and no one wants to work harder than they have to.  So Rebekah's willingness to do this kindness though it was not required or expected was a big deal.

The third character I want to point out is Isaac, the one for whom Rebekah was found.  When the servant and caravan, along with Rebekah get back to Abraham the first person Rebekah sees is Isaac. And what is he doing?  He is walking and meditating.  Perhaps he knows that any day now the servant of his father could return with a woman and he is praying about who she might be.  Perhaps he knows his father is close to death and that he will have to carry on the legacy of faith in God and he is considering the implications.  Whatever he was actually thinking, the first time he sees Rebekah has been spending time with God.

My standard line to single men and women for many years has been this, when you seek God, He can provide a spouse.  When you seek a spouse, they can not provide God.  When your priority is God He can direct your paths to a person He might choose for you, but when your priority is another person you will not be led closer to God.  In fact, the opposite is usually true.  In fact, many of the people I've talked to are single because they sought that person, instead of God in the first place.

So what do we learn from these three people?

First, the servant teaches us to start the process of finding a spouse with prayer.  God, show me who you have chosen.  He also helps us understand that it's not a problem to have standards as long as those standards are deeper than the skin on his or her body.  He prayed that she would be willing to give him a drink and water his camels and be from the right family.  Thats pretty wise.  Ask God to reveal to you a person of character who also knows and loves God.  Seek a spouse that is seeking God so that you can take that journey together.

Let me get more specific.  By asking Rebekah for a drink the servant was testing her graciousness.  She didn't have to give him a drink but it showed kindness on her part to take the time to offer this cup of cool water to a stranger - that's a great character trait!  But she also offered to water his camels which means that she had a servants heart.  She was not doing the bare minimum to get by, she was willing to do extra work to further extend that kindness.  Ladies, quit marrying men who treat you like trash.  If they don't treat you well before you're married, only trying to get as much as they can from you, they will treat you worse after you're married.  Men, a woman who doesn't respect you now isn't going to magically respect you tomorrow.  Look for a mate that is gracious, kind and has a servants heart.  They are out there you just have to be seeking God to see them.

Last, we find Isaac meditating in the field when Rebekah shows up.  Here is a man who is seeking God presence before he finds his wife.  He was not looking for her when he saw her, he was looking for God and found her.

Note:  you will not find a man or woman after God's heart in places that God would not hang out.  Stop looking in the wrong places.  Like the servant go to the right places to find a spouse.  You say there aren't singles in your church?  God doesn't need church to bring the right person into your life - he can do that at a well.  But if you're spending time in the right places He is able to bring that person to you who wouldn't be found in the wrong places.  Know the character traits that are important to you on the front end.  Ask God to bring you a man who is kind and gentle or a woman who is loving and nurturing.  And then DON'T SETTLE if they don't match up, move on!  Seek God and He will add these things, like a spouse, to you because you sought Him first.

Finally, I do not believe there is ONE person out there for each of us.  That is a fallacy that allows us a get-out-of-marriage-free card.  Because all you have to decide is that your current spouse isn't "the one" and the new guy or girl at work who treats you nice is "the one" and so you can get out of your marriage because you "made a mistake" and chose the wrong soul-mate.  Choose well on the front end and there doesn't have to be a back end.  There is more than one for you so don't feel like you've missed out, what you've probably done is moved up.